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Join Extra Deeply

Stone Island Nylon Down Vest in BlueI just lately gave a keynote speech entitled “Connect Extra Deeply” at the Hope World Forum in Atlanta, Georgia hosted by a non-revenue known as Operation Hope. U.S Secretary of Treasury Jack Lew, Chelsea Clinton and Andrew Younger, considered one of Dr. Martin Luther King’s, Jr.’s lieutenants in the civil rights movement, were just a few of the esteemed speakers.

Although I’ve given over 1,000 speeches or workshops in my speaking profession, this speech was totally different. The visceral response caught me off guard. I had a girl literally apologize to me after my speech as a result of she felt a few of her colleagues were disrespecting me because they weren’t absolutely listening to my message. I’ve attached my edited speech transcript right here. Could it provide help to connect more deeply with one particular person right now. You aren’t alone.

All of us attend conferences for different reasons. A few of us come to hear the headlining speakers. Others maybe want to get away for a couple of days. Most of us, however, need to attach with someone you need to learn from, work with or work for. Tonight I’ll share three issues we are able to all do to connect extra deeply with each other.

Before I share these three issues, I first need to handle the 2 fundamental explanation why we do not connect extra deeply. It’s as a result of we are over-stimulated and hyper-connected. The wrongdoer, the rationale, the trigger is this magical machine referred to as a smartphone.

How many of us have this morning routine
Before we may even step out of our mattress or even open each eyes, we roll over to the facet, choose up our smartphones and start checking our textual content messages, emails, tweets and Facebook likes and comments. All throughout our day, from once we go away our dwelling, to when we go to work, then lunch, then back to work, and at last again home, we’re always checking our smartphones all all through the day.

An Android app firm named Locklet surveyed 150,000 customers and located that the typical user checked their telephone a hundred and ten instances throughout the day. Their high frequency users, however, checked their telephone 900 instances. [Audible gasps from the viewers.] If there are a median of 16 waking hours which means these “excessive frequency customers” checked their phones virtually 60 times per minute!

We are not social media beings; we’re human beings. We are not LinkedIn beings; we’re human beings. And as much as Mark Zuckerberg desires us to be Fb beings; we are human beings.

Human beings connect extra deeply by sharing stories with one another.
That is the primary lesson I’ll share with you.

Lesson 1: Share Your Story
Learn to share your story in a strong, passionate and poignant approach. Maybe essentially the most inspiring story of all time is Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. He left such an indelible mark on my life that I named my company KGL after him and two other visionaries. KGL stands for King, Gandhi, and Bruce Lee. I hold their ideals up every single day to remind myself of what to strive towards with my shoppers, colleagues, and everyone I meet.

The reason why his story is inspiring is because we are able to see our personal story in his life.
The primary time I ever visited Atlanta was in April of 2000. I didn’t know at the time that Atlanta is where Dr. King was born. I had a chance to visit his house on Auburn Avenue, walked over to Ebenezer Baptist Church the place he was a pastor, and at last ended up at the King Center where his tomb rests on high of a stone island on this lovely reflection pool.

As I stood there in entrance of Dr. King’s tomb, I read his epitaph, “Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. 1929 – 1968 ‘Free at last. Free ultimately. Thank God Almighty I am Free at last.'” I felt such a deep connection at that moment because just six weeks prior I had give up my day job at American Categorical where I worked at forty Wall Avenue. I had put my condominium up for sale and I used to be leaving my household and mates behind in New York City to maneuver to California the place like Dr. King, I too had a dream. I needed to be a revealed writer, speaker, entrepreneur and singer-songwriter. I had a lot fear and doubt and insecurity. I used to be so afraid but, somehow, standing in entrance of Dr. King’s presence gave me such strength, conviction and energy. I was decided to succeed.

On May 6, 2000, I bought on a aircraft and flew to San Francisco. 9 months later, I had completed and revealed my first guide, a faculty success guide. A yr later, I moved right down to Los Angeles to be a singer-songwriter while concurrently constructing my business as a speaker and advisor.

Eight years later in 2008, I had an opportunity to come back to the South but this time to Tennessee. I knew that Dr. King met his physical demise in Memphis, Tennessee. So although I used to be in Nashville, Tennessee co-writing a song, I decided to drive the 218 miles by myself to see The King. I wasn’t going to visit Elvis Presley’s Graceland, I was going to go to the Lorraine Motel the place Dr. King met his physical demise and i additionally needed to visit the Charles Mason Temple Church where Dr. King gave his final speech entitled “I have been to the Mountaintop” the day before he passed away.

After i arrived at the church at 2:30pm in the afternoon, the parking lot was not solely closed, however it was gated shut, with a sequence and pad lot, including a safety guard sitting in her car inside the parking lot. I walked as much as the gate and known as out to the safety guard. “Hello, I’m out of city and i just drove three hours to get here. Is that this the church the place Dr. King gave his final speech before he died ” The security guard appeared confused and uncertain. So she took out her phone and known as somebody to ask. Moments later she mentioned, “Sorry, this is not the church.”

I could not consider Cheap Stone Island her phrases. I am nearly positive I had researched the proper church and since I had simply pushed 218 miles to see this church I used to be perplexed.

As I walked away from her, I decided to walk alongside the aspect of the church to the front entrance. At one level, I regarded up in conjunction with the church wall and observed a huge plague that read, “This edifice is the site of the final tackle stone island navy hooded microrip jacket of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.”

I had found the proper place. The security guard simply did not know.
In 2000, I had a dream and i stood at Dr. King’s tombstone not understanding how my path would end up. Then by 2008, I was residing my dream once i visited Memphis, Tennessee and after i sat within the sanctuary stone island navy hooded microrip jacket on the Charles Mason Temple Church I had a chance to thank and connect with Dr. King once more.

Now eight years later, sixteen years after coming right here for the first time, I am right here speaking to you all. Dreams are attainable. Desires are actual. You possibly can live your desires.

The first lesson to connect more deeply is to share your private and skilled story.
Lesson 2: Listen Extra Deeply
The second lesson I need to share is about listening. The Chinese have a beautiful language. The Chinese language character for hear has five distinct components. On the left hand aspect, it is the character for ears. However on the fitting hand aspect, it’s broken up into 4 characters which individually imply “you”, “eyes”, “one”, and “heart.” Once you hear, you have to be specializing in one particular person and you are not simply listening with your ears. You are additionally listening together with your eyes however most importantly together with your heart.

Pay attention together with your coronary heart.
Lesson 3: Discover the most common Denominators
The final lesson I will share is about simple math. Once we add two fractions collectively like 1/2 and 1/3 you cannot add them collectively until you discover the commonest denominator. On this case, 6 is the commonest denominator. As soon as we find a typical denominator, we will add 1/2 and 1/three collectively to equal 5/6.

Why will we as a individuals concentrate on our variations and anticipate us to get along I simply flew into Atlanta just a few hours in the past after attending an event on the White Home. Sitting subsequent to me throughout my flight was a woman named Carrell. If I focused on our variations there could be many: Carrell was white and I am Asian. Carrell is from the South and that i stay in California. Carrell is a lady and I am a man. Carrell is a retired psychologist and has been married 3 times. I’m nonetheless working and have by no means been married.

As an alternative of specializing in all these variations, we shared a lot in frequent. We each beloved to journey, help individuals, and share stories. She spoke about her journey to Italy final 12 months and I discussed how I was flying to Atlanta to provide a keynote speech. We had such an awesome dialog because though we had so many seemingly outward differences, we selected to focus on our widespread denominators.

I would like to end with one ultimate story. After i attended the Clinton Global Initiative Annual Meeting final 12 months in New York, former President Bill Clinton had a closing plenary session where he interviewed a NASA astronaut named Cady Coleman while concurrently Skype calling two astronauts – one American and one Russian – on the Worldwide Space Station. When President Clinton requested Coleman about her experience in house, she merely stated, “In house, when you’re looking down there aren’t any international locations. It’s one place and we’re all from there.”

To summarize, if you’d like to connect more deeply, give attention to sharing your personal story in a strong and memorable means. Pay attention not just together with your ears however along with your eyes and most significantly together with your coronary heart. And lastly, concentrate on discovering the commonest denominators whenever you need to connect with somebody.

Finally, please flip this off extra [holding up my smartphone] throughout the day.
Thank you.
Christopher Kai is founder and CEO of KGL, a strategic-consulting firm that helps c-degree executives and gross sales professionals with private branding, disruptive advertising and marketing, and business improvement strategies. He’s a corporate speaker, marketing consultant, and writer.