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Connect More Deeply

I lately gave a keynote speech entitled “Join More Deeply” on the Hope International Discussion board in Atlanta, Georgia hosted by a non-profit called Operation Hope. U.S Secretary of Treasury Jack Lew, Chelsea Clinton and Andrew Young, one in every of Dr. Martin Luther King’s, Jr.’s lieutenants in the civil rights movement, have been a few of the esteemed audio system.

Although I’ve given over 1,000 speeches or workshops in my speaking career, this speech was different. The visceral response caught me off guard. I had a lady actually apologize to me after my speech because she felt some of her colleagues have been disrespecting me as a result of they weren’t absolutely listening to my message. I’ve hooked up my edited speech transcript here. May it help you join extra deeply with one individual as we speak. You are not alone.

We all attend conferences for various causes. Some of us come to hear the headlining audio system. Others maybe need to get away for a number of days. Most of us, nonetheless, want to connect with someone you want to learn from, work with or work for. Tonight I’m going to share three issues we are able to all do to attach more deeply with each other.

Before I share these three issues, I first need to address the two principal explanation why we do not join more deeply. It is because we’re over-stimulated and hyper-linked. The culprit, the reason, the trigger is that this magical machine referred to as a smartphone.

How many people have this morning routine
Before we can even step out of our bed and even open both eyes, we roll over to the side, decide up our smartphones and start checking our text messages, emails, tweets and Facebook likes and comments. All all through our day, from after we leave our house, to after we go to work, then lunch, then back to work, and finally again house, we’re always checking our smartphones all throughout the day.

An Android app company named Locklet surveyed 150,000 users and located that the typical person checked their cellphone a hundred and ten times during the day. Their high frequency customers, nonetheless, checked their phone 900 times. [Audible gasps from the audience.] If there are a mean of sixteen waking hours which means these “excessive frequency users” checked their phones almost 60 occasions per minute!

We aren’t social media beings; we are human beings. We aren’t LinkedIn beings; we are human beings. And as much as Mark Zuckerberg wants us to be Facebook beings; we’re human beings.

Human beings join more deeply by sharing tales with one another.
That’s the first lesson I’m going to share with you.

Lesson 1: Share Your Story
Discover ways to share your story in a strong, passionate and poignant manner. Perhaps the most inspiring story of all time is Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. He left such an indelible mark on my life that I named my firm KGL after him and two different visionaries. KGL stands for King, Gandhi, and Bruce Lee. I hold their ideals up each day to remind myself of what to try towards with my purchasers, colleagues, and everyone I meet.

The rationale why his story is inspiring is because we can see our personal story in his life.
The first time I ever visited Atlanta was in April of 2000. I did not know at the time that Atlanta is the place Dr. King was born. I had a chance to go to his residence on Auburn Avenue, walked over to Ebenezer Baptist Church where he was a pastor, and finally ended up at the King Heart the place his tomb rests on prime of a stone island in this beautiful reflection pool.

As I stood there in front of Dr. King’s tomb, I learn his epitaph, “Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. 1929 – 1968 ‘Free finally. Free finally. Thank God Almighty I’m Free at last.'” I felt such a deep connection at that moment as a result of just six weeks prior I had quit my day job at American Categorical where I worked at forty Wall Street. I had put my residence up on the market and I used to be leaving my household and buddies behind in New York City to move to California the place like Dr. King, I too had a dream. I needed to be a revealed writer, speaker, entrepreneur and singer-songwriter. I had so much worry and doubt and insecurity. I used stone island mens gloves to be so afraid however, someway, standing in entrance of Dr. King’s presence gave me such energy, conviction and energy. I was decided to succeed.

On Might 6, 2000, I acquired on a airplane and flew to San Francisco. 9 months later, I had finished and revealed my first guide, a school success guide. A yr later, I moved right down to Los Angeles to be a singer-songwriter whereas simultaneously constructing my enterprise as a speaker and consultant.

Eight years later in 2008, I had a chance to come back again to the South but this time to Tennessee. I knew that Dr. King met his bodily demise in Memphis, Tennessee. So though I used to be in Nashville, Tennessee co-writing a tune, I decided to drive the 218 miles by myself to see The King. I wasn’t going to go to Elvis Presley’s Graceland, I was going to visit the Lorraine Motel where Dr. King met his physical demise and i additionally wished to go to the Charles Mason Temple Church the place Dr. King gave his last speech entitled “I have been to the Mountaintop” the day before he passed away.

When i arrived on the church at 2:30pm within the afternoon, the parking lot was not solely closed, nevertheless it was gated shut, with a sequence and pad lot, including a safety guard sitting in her automotive inside the parking lot. I walked as much as the gate and known as out to the security guard. “Hi, I’m out of city and that i simply drove three hours to get here. Is that this the church the place Dr. King gave his final speech before he died ” The safety guard seemed confused and unsure. So she took out her phone and called somebody to ask. Moments later she mentioned, “Sorry, this is not the church.”

I could not consider her phrases. I’m virtually positive I had researched the proper church and since I had simply pushed 218 miles to see this church I used to be perplexed.

As I walked away from her, I decided to stroll along the side of the church to the entrance entrance. At one level, I seemed up together with the church wall and seen a huge plague that read, “This edifice is the positioning of the final address of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.”

I had found the proper place. The safety guard simply did not know.
In 2000, I had a dream and i stood at Dr. King’s tombstone not understanding how my path would turn out. Then by 2008, I used to be dwelling my dream when i visited Memphis, Tennessee and once i sat in the sanctuary at the Charles Mason Temple Church I had a chance to thank and join with Dr. King once more.

Now eight years later, sixteen years after coming right here for the primary time, I’m here speaking to you all. Dreams are potential. Goals are real. You’ll be able to stay your goals.

The first lesson to connect extra deeply is to share your private and skilled story.
Lesson 2: Listen Extra Deeply
The second lesson I wish to share is about listening. The Chinese have an attractive language. The Chinese character for listen has five distinct elements. On the left hand facet, it is the character for ears. But on the proper hand facet, it’s damaged up into 4 characters which individually imply “you”, “eyes”, “one”, and “heart.” While you pay attention, try to be specializing in one individual and you aren’t simply listening along with your ears. You’re additionally listening together with your eyes however most significantly together with your coronary heart.

Pay attention with your coronary heart.
Lesson three: Discover the commonest Denominators
The final lesson I’ll share is about simple math. When we add two fractions collectively like 1/2 and 1/three you cannot add them together until you discover the most typical denominator. In this case, 6 is the most common denominator. As soon as we discover a common denominator, we will add 1/2 and 1/three together to equal 5/6.

Why will we as a individuals deal with our variations and expect us to get along I simply flew into Atlanta a couple of hours in the past after attending an occasion on the White Home. Sitting subsequent to me throughout my flight was a woman named Carrell. If I focused on our differences there can be many: Carrell was white and I am Asian. Carrell is from the South and that i reside in California. Carrell is a girl and I am a man. Carrell is a retired psychologist and has been married 3 times. I’m still working and have by no means been married.

As a substitute of focusing on all these variations, we shared a lot in frequent. We each loved to journey, assist folks, and share stories. She spoke about her trip to Italy final year and I discussed how I used to be flying to Atlanta to provide a keynote speech. We had such an awesome dialog as a result of regardless that we had so many seemingly outward differences, we chose to focus on our widespread denominators.

I need to finish with one last story. After i attended the Clinton Global Initiative Annual Meeting final 12 months in New York, former President Bill Clinton had a closing plenary session the place he interviewed a NASA astronaut named Cady Coleman while simultaneously Skype calling two astronauts – one American and one Russian – on the Worldwide House Station. When President Clinton requested Coleman about her experience in space, she simply stated, “In house, when you’re trying down there aren’t any plated countries. It is one place and we’re all from there.”

To summarize, if you need to attach more deeply, concentrate on sharing your personal story in a robust and memorable approach. Hear not simply along with your ears but with your eyes and most significantly along with your coronary heart. And lastly, deal with finding the most common denominators whenever you want to attach with somebody.

Lastly, please turn this off more [holding up my smartphone] throughout the day.
Christopher Kai is founder and CEO of KGL, a strategic-consulting agency that helps c-stage executives and sales professionals with personal branding, disruptive advertising and marketing, and business growth methods. He’s a company speaker, advisor, and author.